Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Insight in the Skies
Tonight has been further proof that I haven't found my Community, or that my Community lies far away from me. If my intuition is correct, it has been established and I am unable to go there for now. I wish I could. I don't understand why I have to be so far away from those I love. I have the first steps of my path lit by God, but I cannot take steps yet. I'm held back, waiting for something. College is a drag. I want to learn, so why do I want out of the classes I have taken for no other reason than to further education for myself? It's so strenuous right now and weighs down upon my mind and neck like a dark cloud. Soon enough things will turn out alright, but I don't know how long I can keep this up. I feel discouraged tonight from everything. I can no longer talk to anyone about what I'm going through except those who already know. Am I creating this situation for myself? Am I bringing stress and confusion upon myself? I thank God that his grace and mercy is so freely given. I can't imagine where I would be without Jesus' guidance throughout this whole thing and His messengers placed so close to me, the encouragement and vitality I get from Lindsay and Justin and Mum and Dad. He's also been so good to begin placing me in a group of believers here in Baton Rouge. See, it's not all terrible right now. I guess I haven't listened to music today and it's dragging me down. I'm off to read of Saint Augustine's journey. Hope everyone reading this will take a moment to close your eyes, breathe deliberately, and smile. Love and peace be with you this week.
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2 comments:
I must say that I am also struggling in college and thinking to myself "What is the point" and "This isnt where I want to be." Everyone and everything else, however is telling me that I need to stay in college and finish like a real man. I too struggle daily with wanting to further myself in an area that college, or at least where I am, doesn't offer. And if I were to find an institution that did, would it help me more than I could help myself. I also havent listened to music today, but my questions still linger...
I need to come here more often. You're post is strangely comforting. I can sorta relate to what you're going through, I think. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I completely understand because I'm pretty sure I see it from a different perspective, but seeing your perspective is refreshing, and it reminds me that I'm not the only person stuck in college with the fake education, locked away from the real education you persue on your own.
Stick in there.
My GoogleTalk window is almost always "Available".
-FTKX
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